


I Guess I Am Guilty, I'm Only A Man (But This World Is Imperfect Too)

by firelord_zutara



Series: As If The World Wasn't Ending [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Cell Phones, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Forgiveness, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Minor Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Moving On, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, angsty fic of doom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:32:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7037176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firelord_zutara/pseuds/firelord_zutara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“He game me something.  For you.  T’Challa just told me to put it in your room.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At that, Steve is left speechless.  He thinks back to the day that Tony had wordlessly returned his shield, and how much of a shock it had been.</em>
</p><p>Or:  the one where Tony has a gift for Steve, and Steve doesn't know what to do.</p><p>(For some reason this work is appearing as Part 4 of the series but it's really Part 2)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Guess I Am Guilty, I'm Only A Man (But This World Is Imperfect Too)

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to As If The World Wasn't Ending, I suggest you read that one to fully understand this one.
> 
> (I was going to leave it as a one shot, but there was such a good response to it that I had to continue)
> 
> This fic was based on [this post](http://tonystarktrash.tumblr.com/post/144434044125/oh-i-am-tired-of-the-small-desperate-sad-tony) on tumblr by [tonystarktrash](http://tonystarktrash.tumblr.com/), go check them out!
> 
>  Title is from the song [As If The World Wasn't Ending](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcxZz4g6tKU) by Sonata Arctica

“I’m leaving for Lagos today.”

Steve turns toward T’Challa, who’s poised at the door frame of Steve’s bedroom. The King is dressed formally, a suit made of cloth, not of vibranium. 

It’s expensive, he can tell. Similar to the ones Tony always wears. 

Mentally shaking the thought from his head, Steve nods. “Travel safely.” 

T’Challa only continues to stare at him, making Steve’s skin itch. He has no idea what the other man is thinking. He opened his home to Steve, along with the rest of the Avengers who had nowhere to go, until this whole issue...Incident..is sorted out. If it ever will be.

Steve isn’t used to this. Ever since he stepped into that metal coffin and came out a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier, he’s been in the eye of the media, one way or another. And it was fine, is fine, to an extent. But this? Having to hide, having to operate in complete secrecy, knowing that the government is breathing down his back? He wishes things were different.

He knows that if he had just signed the damned thing, things would be different, but that doesn’t mean anything would be better. 

Well...that’s not true. He knows some things would be different, and he hopes that other things would be better. 

But outside of that, outside of his own, personal hang ups, he knows that instead of him being persecuted, it would just be him being controlled. Either operate against the law and do what needs to be done, or be on the side of the government, and have the decision making ripped from him.

Right?

“Captain.”

Steve blinks, pulling himself from his thoughts. T’Challa hasn’t moved, eyes still boring into him.

“You know you can call him.”

Steve reels. He knows exactly who T’Challa is talking about, but the mention of it shocks him. “What?”

“The phone I gave you. It’s not one way. You can call him.”

The way he says it is almost patronizing, but Steve knows that it’s not. He’s just...trying to help.

Steve sighs, rising from the edge of the bed. “Are you going to see him today?”

“Of course.” 

T’Challa is donating some of his own medical tech to the hospital. He wasn’t on Steve’s side of the...Incident, so his contribution, and presence, is welcome. It comes with gratitude and grace, Steve is sure.

If the public knew that the king of Wakanda was housing multiple fugitives, Steve is also sure the public’s reaction to T’Challa’s donations would be a bit different.

“Just think about it, Captain.”

It isn’t until T’Challa is gone that Steve realizes he’s clutching the little, black phone in his hand.

\-----

Steve considers it, he really does. He wants to ask someone, too, if it’s the right thing to do. If it’s even worth it.

The first person that comes to mind is Natasha, but he hasn’t seen her in a few weeks, since her last visit, since Steve...admitted to a weakness he tries not to show so openly in front of others. He doesn’t have her number, because she’s still, technically, on the other side of all of this. She shows up when she needs to, or she contacts him on a burner phone. 

He knows he can’t ask Wanda because that would just be...not right, he feels. He could ask Sam, sure, maybe, but he knows that Sam is still just as peeved at Tony as Clint is.

Well...maybe that’s not true. They’ve all had a lot of time to recover since the Incident, and really think about what they all did, really think through it all. Sam was furious once Steve and Bucky had returned from Siberia, but once Steve had explained everything to Sam, he was...more understanding, in a way. Just as Steve had been.

Clint was still outwardly mad, but Steve had a suspicion that it was just a cover to mask his guilt. Steve asked Clint for a favor, and if he had said no, Steve would’ve moved on. But Clint did come, on his own free will, and as much as Clint wants to blame Tony for getting locked up, Steve knows that Clint understood what he was getting himself into. What he was risking. 

What they were all risking.

Perhaps he should talk to Wanda. Perhaps she would understand, considering what happened between her and Vision.

Maybe she would, maybe not. Maybe it wasn’t the same. Steve should talk to her at least, but…

But.

That would make this real. That would make his desperation real. He knows what happened with Natasha, but that feels...like a lapse in his psyche. Like a misstep. Knowingly admitting to someone how he feels about Tony, admitting to his guilt...that would make everything too real.

So instead, he goes to India. Sam comes with him, but Wanda stays back in Wakanda. Steve had gotten a tip about a neuroscientist that works with some odd, nearly forgotten form of hypnosis. 

It was a stretch, a thin, thin stretch, but if whoever this man was could potentially help Bucky, then Steve had to try.

When he comes back a week later, his lead a bust, Natasha is there waiting for him.

“Any luck?” She asks, a smirk playing on her face that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Steve shakes his head. “How was Lagos?”

What he wants to say is _How was Tony?_ but he has a feeling Natasha knows anyway.

“He’s good, Steve. He really is.”

The words slice at him, a bitter ring in his ears, but he simply nods. 

“He game me something. For you. T’Challa just told me to put it in your room.”

At that, Steve is left speechless. He thinks back to the day that Tony had wordlessly returned his shield, and how much of a shock it had been. That day, though, Steve had been expecting what the gift was when Natasha told him that Tony had something for him. This? This was nothing but a mystery. 

Moving past Natasha, he nearly runs down the hallway to his room, thoughts rushing through him at a dizzying pace.

He swings open his door, and freezes. On his bed is a plastic crate, the _Stark Industries_ logo stenciled on in fresh, glistening paint. Even that is almost too much for Steve, seeing Tony’s name embellished before him. 

He remembers seeing the name light up the New York sky for the first time. Remembers thinking the building was ugly, obtrusive, unnecessary. But that was before...before everything.

He also remembers this feeling, this feeling of wanting to give it all, just to go back. To go back to his own time, back to Peggy, back to his old life.

But this time...this time...

“I haven’t opened it, and I won’t stay, if you want to be alone.” Natasha’s soft voice would’ve startled him, if he had been more inside his own head. But he’s just too overloaded with..with _everything_ , to be shocked by her sudden presence behind him.

He tries to regain himself, turns toward the Natasha, then to the box, then back to Natasha. “No...no you can stay. I’m sure it’s not…”

 _Not anything worth being alone_ to see he finishes inside his own head, because really, what could it be? There’s no note, no letter attached. The box is big enough to contain some sort of gun, but what use would Steve have for a gun, and why would Tony send him one? The only other thing he can think of his some sort of new uniform, but even that is a stretch. 

He swallows. With shaky hands, his fingers unclasp the latches, and he pulls the cover back.

What he sees nestled inside the box nearly causes his knees to buckle. He steps back, hands clutching at his own face but it doesn’t feel like his own hands because how could it how could it he can’t believe can’t believe can’t believe it why would Tony do this how could Tony do this how could he have ever done all those things to Tony said all those things because Tony is just so. So. So so so sososososo.

An arm. Tony built Bucky an arm. 

It’s so so so utterly _Tony_ that it makes his chest ache and his eyes sting and his heart aches oh it aches it aches it aches because how could Steve ever think that he could ever would ever deserve Tony because Tony is a better man than Steve could ever hope to be and Steve never gave him enough credit not then now now not ever and Tony is just so so so everything that Steve ever wanted to be everything that Steve _wants_.

He’s not not crying, not screaming, not shouting. No, he’s just...staring. In shock. In disbelief. His head too full of it’s own noise for him to actually make any. He doesn't dare glance at Natasha, because he already knows what she’s thinking. That this is forgiveness. That this is Tony’s way of moving on, moving forward.

Maybe. Maybe not.

It’s seconds, minutes, hours later when Steve comes back to himself, is able to breathe, breathe without an ache in his chest, without fire in his lungs. Natasha is still there, staring at the...at the arm, _Bucky’s_ arm, a look on her face that Steve can’t quite decipher. 

He pulls the little, black phone out from his pocket. There’s only one contact in it. _TS_.

Fumbling at the too small keys, he manages to type out a single phrase.

_Thank you._

He hits send, and he breathes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!!
> 
>  [My tumblr](http://tony-stark-has-a-heart.tumblr.com/)


End file.
